Moving Right Along

PSULogoTomorrow will mark two weeks after my return from India, and it feels like life is moving pretty quickly and changes are happening fast.

I made a decision about which college to go to pretty quickly after returning home, and I think in many ways, I had already made the decision, deep down, beforehand. I’m going to Portland State, which is the same school that my India program went through, and I’m pretty excited about it. I’m still a little sad that some of my top choice schools didn’t work out, though I’m also seeing it in some ways as what Julia Cameron would call “Gain disguised as loss,” because the more I move forward in this process, the more right PSU feels, so there’s also a part of me that’s glad some of the other schools didn’t work out.

PSU is going to be a great place for me to explore all kinds of different academic interests, they offer so many classes and subjects it kind of boggles the mind. And that’s good because I have an ongoing issue about being interested in too many things at once and wanting a really diverse schedule that feeds my left and right brain at the same time. Pouring over the class schedule for the last ten days or so made me feel like a kid at Christmas, like, oooh I could take this class, and that class, and oh boy! And PSU is known for having a lot of older students, so that’s cool for me, being in classes and organizations and campus housing with people in my same age range. And they have a great disabilities department, and it seems like a lot of other students with disabilities, and a separate disabilities advocacy organization on campus, so it feels like there’ll be lots of support. Oh yeah, and when I was visiting, I saw lots of hot boys on campus, that’s always a plus.

I’m super excited about all of it. I’ve wanted to live in Portland for years. I remember the first time I went there, during spring break of my second year of college, and the first morning I was there, sitting in a cafe with my friend Kelly and a few other women, just soaking it up and feeling so strongly that I wanted to live there. That was over 8 years ago! And my good friend Elynn who used to live around the corner from me here on Orcas, who I miss terribly, is there. I’ve moved a fair number of times in my life, and I have to say it is comforting to know I’ll have Kelly and Elynn as two really close friends in a new locale. I also have a few contacts to hopefully set up some tarot reading stuff down there, and also a few contacts to get involved in the literary world of Portland.

I applied for campus housing, which I was NOT going to do – I’m way too old to live in a dorm, and I wasn’t crazy about it when I was the right age – but it turns out that PSU’s on-campus housing includes a lot of buildings with studio apartments and the like. See, that’s what I’m talking about, the benefits of having lots of older students around. So, the price was decent and location is great, and so I applied and put in my deposit, should be finding out which building I’m in fairly soon I hope. I’ll be moving in mid-September, so trying to soak up the joys of having a one bedroom apartment with a back patio that overlooks woods for the rest of my time here. I will have to downsize for the move, and I’m sort of looking forward to that too. Already going through my apartment thinking what I want to keep or not. India was good preparation for that in a way, I mean, I lived out of a pack for three months, I stayed with a family of seven who lived in a house that was the size of my living room/kitchen (aka not very big), and these things make you think about what is or isn’t necessary. It just helps in terms of shedding what’s not needed.

So, for those on Orcas, I am sure there will be some sort of yard sale outside my place at some point this summer. Get ready.

This morning I registered for classes, and so now that that went through it feels really, truly official that I’m going there. I was so sure something would go wrong in terms of signing up, I just thought Murphy’s Law would be in effect, but no, I got every class I wanted at every time I wanted, so I got my ideal schedule. It’s still subject to change up until the beginning of the quarter, but for now it’s set exactly as I wanted it. I planned it out over a week ago, taking a lot of time to examine different class choices, how they’d fit together, and how the profs rated at those sites to review professors. And that last one was a good thing, I was going to take a writing class with someone b/c she’s an author I like (the particular subject was not so thrilling, kinda something I have already taken), but the reviews were pretty much across the board not that flattering, putting it tactfully, so I decided to go with something else.

I am just so psyched for my schedule though it is not going to be an easy courseload (which honestly is a big part of the reason I’m psyched, I’ve been craving intellectual stimulation). I’m taking two science classes – bio and chem – as I still haven’t fully given up the idea of doing a double major in something sciency, and I have my basic Physics credits and then some done already (and none in the others), so that alone is going to be intense, and awesome b/c it’s that part of my brain that has been more deprived these last few years. I’m of course taking some writing credits, in scriptwriting actually. I was going to do non-fiction and probably will at some point, but I was just a lot more excited about the scriptwriting class, and it’s totally undiscovered territory so it’ll be challenging and engaging. Sooooo, those are my classes. It’s not going to be an easy semester, but the truth is I wanted a difficult courseload, b/c I know myself and without that I will get bored and feel like I’m not being challenged and whenever school is too easy I start slacking off. So I feel like my schedule has the diversity in subject that I crave, and a difficulty level that will be just right.

Oh I’m also taking piano (for beginners) as a two-credit class in the mornings, which should add some extra fun and creativity to my days. I’ve been wanting to teach myself for so long, but I don’t do all that well with it being completely unstructured, I just end up never doing it, so the class should be good to cure that.

So, all around, I’m excited to make the transition to go back to school. September can’t come fast enough, though I am actually glad to have the time to make the transition over time.

In my last post I said I would not go back to my old job. That did not last. The reality is that even with financial aid, and with the fact that I’m feeling good financially right now (I only spent $250 the entire time I was in India, so it feels like I saved money), going to school and moving are expensive things and it just can’t hurt to have the income. And I’ll be here for four months, so I decided to go back, but only four days a week, and on morning shift, which means that I will have to leave my place at 5:15! That is going to be rough, but I’ll be done at 2 and have the whole day ahead of me. Though I am not crazy about the job and though I hear things are not good over there, everyone is really happy to have me back, and I’m actually surprising even myself by feeling pretty positive about it. Camp is just so beautiful (on almost 300 acres of gorgeous woodsy forests, fields, waterfront) and I feel such a strong spiritual connection to the land there, that I’m looking forward to the long walk in the early morning. Okay I might regret saying that tomorrow when it’s really fucking early, but I bet I’ll get used to it fairly quickly. I’m also thinking some days instead of coming home right away, I’ll wander around some of the less traveled paths in the backwoods of the camp and really love up my last summer here. So, we’ll see how it goes when I’m actually there, but for now I’m thinking positive.

So, all in all, things feel like they’re moving right along.

Currently Listening:
“Fidelity” – Regina Spektor – this may possibly be the song I listened to most in India, b/c it was on two people’s iPod type things. I haven’t listened to much of her other stuff, but this song is constantly stuck in my head. And yes, it’s in an episode of Grey’s (do I even need to say that anymore? I’m such an addict).


(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

Breaks my
Breaks my heart

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