“So I’m Leaving Out the Side Door”

This morning, I did a thing. It has to do with what is for now still unsayable but which came up a lot in this anguished post earlier this week. This thing I did is a huge step towards being able to talk openly about it, which I’m dying to do.

This song was playing at the crucial moment of doing the thing, and that’s where the title for the post comes from. Even though my situation is so different from what Taylor Swift and Bon Iver are singing about, everything feels like it fits. It’s my current favorite off of folklore, and I don’t think that’s an accident.

Lines that stick out for me at the moment, aside from the one used in my post title include:

“you’re not my homeland anymore”

“you were my town
now I’m in exile seeing you out”

“second third and hundredth chances
balancing on breaking branches”

and the one line I always want to scream along with the perfect bridge of this song

“I gave so many signs”

Spoiler alert: The sequel to this post, “You’re Not My Homeland Anymore” is now live and spills all the tea on this cryptic post.

Until next time,


7 thoughts on ““So I’m Leaving Out the Side Door”

  1. A beautiful song…the heartbreak really comes through, which makes it almost universal for any number of scenarios as painful as this one, even if in completely different ways. One way or another, you will land on your feet at the other side of all this. 💜

  2. I don’t know you personally but started following your Breaking Bad blog and have continued reading your posts. I worry about how you’re sounding in this post. I am not going to say “cheer up” and move on. I will say, please seek someone to really talk to. I hope I’m wrong and I may be totally out of line writing this but I just couldn’t help myself.

    • Hi titans, first of all, thanks for reading, that’s a long time! And also, I will be recapping Better Call Saul starting from the beginning of the series, coming soon, so there will be some Breaking Bad related content before too long.

      Also, it’s never out of line to suggest finding someone to talk to! I think it’s always a good idea. I’m a big supporter of therapy (and having it be easier to afford and access for people who need it), and talk to mine regularly, as well as several mentors. I know I’ve been really cryptic on here lately, and it’s mostly for practical (not emotional) reasons of just not being able to talk openly about it until some of the details are sorted out. Basically, there are some people who need to hear it from me first, not here, and once that’s a bit more sorted out, I can finally talk about it and be less cryptic.

      And thank you for not trying to cheer me up :)

  3. Pingback: Creativity Goals Check-In August 9, 2020 | April Julia

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  5. Pingback: “You’re Not My Homeland Anymore” | April Julia

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