Another post from July 2008. Coolest part? One of these things I wrote about actually did happen.
So, for the past few months, I’ve been setting the same three intentions. The first is about adventure. I want to go back to school next fall, I’ve felt decided on that for awhile. The meantime is the issue. I decided a few months ago that I’m not going to stay here for that time. I feel too stagnant and stuck, like I haven’t put myself out there in awhile, taken any big risks like I did back when I traveled to organic farms or moved to Seattle with no money. Those were difficult experiences, but also some of the deepest, most rewarding times I’ve lived through, really showed me what I was made of, challenged me and made me grow as a person. I miss it, the spirit of adventure, of seeing the world.
Wow, I’m exhausted. It’s been awhile since I posted. I’ve been working a lot and also having a blast. I am just loving the group of people I’m working with this summer. I’ve also been busy researching every possible avenue for an adventure between now and next fall when I plan to go back to school. I’ve spent countless hours combing through AmeriCorps options, as well as any possibility I can find that could involve going abroad. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. I feel like I have a lot of irons in the fire as the saying goes, and more would be even better.
A few months ago, I wrote this post about how I felt sort of distanced from myself, and a time years ago when I felt more myself than ever, and how much I missed those times.
Well, I feel like I’m back.
First off, it’s like some switch totally flipped for me at some point, when I suddenly, acutely felt my intellectual frustration so strongly that I couldn’t ignore it or somehow make it okay.
I’m not sure how it started – with all these personal changes, it’s hard to pinpoint an exact start to things. They creep. Shift underneath the surface like tectonic plates until they’re erupting and lava is everywhere. And that’s a good thing, at least for me, because it’s like re-awakening, rekindling the inner fire. It’s passion. It’s aliveness. So, even though sometimes it makes present circumstances a little difficult or uncomfortable (because aliveness sometimes makes you aware of where your soul is dying), any day I’ll take it.